THOSE DARN CHRISTMAS PICTURES!

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I am so thankful for digital cameras!!  No longer do I have to wait until the film is processed and then sneak the bad pictures of myself out of the pack and destroy them – now, I merely have to pretend to be looking at the pictures my loving husband has taken and ‘accidentally’ delete them – oh what a shame – I didn’t mean to delete that picture of my butt!

My husband is usually in charge of the camera on Christmas morning and at the family dinner later.  Over the years, I’ve tried to stay out of his camera range because he has a bad habit of taking wonderful pictures of his children smiling and enjoying themselves and then the pictures of me are usually of me bending over showing my large butt to the camera lens!  How can a man who tells me how beautiful I am all of the time take such terrible pictures of me???  Even in my youth, when I was thinner, I didn’t like to have pictures of posterior taken – nothing makes a woman angrier than to see her butt stare back at her from a picture – because we all know that our behind is much too big for our small frame – and also pictures always add at least 10 pounds – if not more – and who needs 10 more pounds on their butt??? Not me!

Even the Christmas morning pictures of me from an acceptable angle are not very flattering on Christmas morning.  I’m usually wearing my old battered fleece bathrobe, have barely brushed my hair and my teeth (not usually with the same brush), have large dark circles under my eyes from being up all night wrapping presents and filling stockings – in other words, I am a vision of loveliness which is captured accurately on film!  Even supermodels don’t look good on Christmas morning after putting together a doll house, train set, activity table, and tricycle and then treating themselves to two hours of sleep – and if they do – they are paying someone to do all of this stuff for them!  Heck – what am I saying – supermodels don’t have children – they know that children cause wrinkles and gray hair – silly me!

The other favorite pose my husband likes to photograph would be that of me stuffing Christmas goodies into my mouth.  Without fail, the first picture will be of my tired face, then my large butt and to finish off the series, me putting something gooey and good into my mouth.  Anyone who sees this series will immediately say – “well, of course, she has big butt – look at what she is stuffing into her mouth!”

I am convinced that digital cameras were invented by a woman who had had enough of these types of pictures from Christmas morning!  With the invention of the digital camera, these pictures never see the light of day – while hubby is snoozing in front of the TV, I go through the pictures and delete the offensive ones.  Then I promptly take a few of my husband (who still hasn’t learned how to delete pictures from the camera) with his mouth hanging open like he is catching flies.  I just LOVE paybacks!

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