Wow – those trees have leaves!

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The black elastic band is definitely a fashion statement

I remember when my husband got his first pair of glasses.  He had been arguing with me for months that he didn’t need them — he was exercising his eyes and he would be just fine!  Apparently he had heard about exercising your eyes from Jack LaLanne – the first person to have exercise shows on TV and a gentleman who when he died at the age of 96, he still didn’t need glasses!  I finally made the decision for Pat and told him that his eyes were obviously lazy and not working out like they should because I was getting really tired of reading the road signs when we were out driving – which means when Pat was steering the car and I was telling him what was coming in front of us and where to turn.

The first pair of glasses lasted approximately 8 months.  Pat was told he only needed to wear them when he was driving, so he would leave them in the car when he went into work.  If he forgot and accidentally took them into work with him, he would stick them in a random pocket (not his shirt pocket) without a glass case to protect them.  After a while, the glasses started getting all scratched up because of the abuse – and then to make matter worse, because of the heat in the car, they started to get a crackled glaze on them.  Which meant we were right back to where we were — I was reading the signs while Pat was steering the car.  He insisted that he didn’t want to spend any more money and those glasses were USELESS!  I finally convinced him that the glasses were under warranty and we could get them replaced without any cost.

The second pair of glasses lasted a little longer or I should say pieces of the glasses lasted a while longer.  Within a few months of getting the lenses replaced, Pat sat on his glasses and broke the frames.  This was beginning to get really annoying and I wanted to look at more than the signs when we went for a drive.  Apparently, Pat wasn’t into the driving for the scenery — he just liked being behind the wheel of a car — and possibly loved the sound of my voice – that’s the only explanation I have for him not replacing this pair of glasses.  The only thing left from this pair were the lenses and Pat insisted that we would hold onto these and in a few months get some new frames.

Months turned into a little over a year and it was time to renew his driver’s license.  The previous time he had his license renewed was right after his first pair of glasses — so his license indicated that he required them.  What was Pat supposed to do?  He didn’t want to buy new frames yet – but he needed the glasses to get his license so he could steer the car and listen to my melodious voice!  Aha — he had a solution!  He still had the lenses so he would take them with him to the Department of Motor Vehicle (DMV) and simply hold them in front of his eyes while he took the eye test.  I thought that it was a ridiculous idea — but the only thing more ridiculous was that THEY LET HIM DO IT!!  I don’t know what story he told them — but he got his license by holding up two lenses in his fingers in front of his eyes — I can’t imagine how they thought he was going to drive that way!

The next pair of glasses were lenses (the same ones he had saved) put into a pair of flexible frames.  This was supposed to prevent Pat from breaking them when he sat on them – which they did.  Unfortunately, it could prevent him from dropping them while he was working the car, leaving them on the hood of the car and then driving over them or leaving them in the sun to ‘crinkle’.  Again — we were back to our old routine.

It was then that Pat decided to real glass in his glasses — since what most people have is really plastic.  This would mean that the glasses would get ruined in the sun and since he would be able to leave them in the car, then he wouldn’t accidentally sit on them.  Unfortunately, glass doesn’t work in the flexible frames so we had to go to the black ‘geek’ type frames.  This was unfortunately, because recently Pat forgot to leave his glasses in the car and during a wrestling match with our grandson – you guessed it – the frames were broken.  Pat, again being too cheap to buy new frames, decided to wait until our insurance would pay for them — approximately 3 months.  However, this time I only had to drive around with a goofy looking man wearing funny glasses.  Pat’s solution this time — a sticky glue to keep the glasses together, wrapped with black electrical tape and then secure the glasses to his head with a black elastic band.  He was truly a vision to behold!  Because this didn’t always work, the glasses would fall off his head and they became chipped and scratched – so his vision was always a little cloudy – but he didn’t ask me to read the road signs.

He recently got his new glasses.  He looks very debonair and I don’t miss the elastic strap or the black electrical tape.  And Pat?  He is excited that he can now see the signs, the license plates and the leaves on the trees when we go for a ride!

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3 responses »

  1. Another great piece of writing, thank you for the pleasure of reading it..
    Now have another close look at your husband, are you sure that he is yours! only this sounds exactly like my husband. He can break his glasses by just leaving them in the case, the lenses are scratched and in the past we have used electrical tape to hold the frame together. If it’s not that then the screws on the frames fall out and get lost. Like Pat, he does need to go to the opticians for a test. His driving is diabolical. However it is now over 12 months since I first suggested it and we are still no nearer!
    As far as DVLA is concerned, that is a real laugh. As you say , how they expect him to drive safely holding lenses in front of his eyes is beyond me, but that is life! And it does make us laugh :-))))))) have a great day x

  2. Oh Lord. Pat is so funny. He is SO cheap! My husband has a little too much vanity to do what yours did, but then, he’s had his glasses for years and years. He never sits on them, never leaves them out in the sun, etc. I suppose his original investment comes out to maybe pennies per day on their wear at this point!

    It’s funny how people can be cheap in so many different ways. Your husband doesn’t remind me of mine in the ways in which he’s cheap, just that he IS!

  3. Pingback: How I Saved My Husband’s Life …. « Pages from my Crazy Life

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