I have decided there is a Cold Conspiracy — this conspiracy is not one that has anything to do with the government, global warming, evil scientists or even aliens from outer space. This Cold Conspiracy is all the doing of the paper companies – specifically the tissue (and probably toilet paper) companies. I’m pretty sure the makers of throat lozenges and decongestants are in on it and throwing some support their way.
In the last two days I have gone through two boxes of tissues – and one roll of toilet paper because I ran out of tissues! I’m almost done with one box of decongestants – and will have to probably go buy another one tomorrow. My dentist (who I think also gets a kick-back from all of this) is going to be very happy with the number of throat lozenges I have sucked on in order to stop my cough and the cavities they have caused.
Why don’t I go to the doctor? Well — mainly because he is just going to tell me it’s a cold and there is nothing he can do about it. I need to drink lots of liquids and let the cold run its course. That advice will cost me about $75! Another part of the conspiracy.
I used to think that the only companies not part of the conspiracy were those who made chicken soup – but now that I’ve had time to think about things in my sleep-deprived and fever-induced state — I’m pretty sure they are ones orchestrating the whole thing — because we all know that the only cure for the common cold is chicken soup!