Shoe Gremlins

"High Heel Shoe. Talon haut. Stiletto. Ta...


I recently bought three new pairs of shoes.  I had made a promise to myself that I would get rid of two pairs of shoes for every one I bought, until I get down to a more manageable number of shoes in my closet.  When I say manageable – I don’t mean per my daughter, Jenny’s standards (which would rival Imelda Marcos‘ collection!) – I mean shoes that I wear at least once a week and at the very least once a month — less than 10 pair.

As I stood in my closet with my newest acquisitions, I realized that someone else must have been inhabiting my body when I bought some of these shoes!  I don’t remember even buying some of these – much less squeezing my big fat feet into them!  Plus – so of them have such high heels, I’m sure I towered like the 50 Foot Woman over people when I wore them (I’m 5’10” barefooted, so I don’t need any help in the height department).  Then there are the really UGLY shoes, that I’m sure I didn’t buy but must have followed me home and sneaked into the closet when I wasn’t looking!

I know that shoe styles change over the years — however, I do regret giving away all my platform sandals which are back in-style.  But – when did I change?  When did I start preferring cute flats to those gorgeous red stiletto heels?  When did I start buying shoes that were comfortable instead of sexy?  When did I get all of those pairs of brown, black and navy blue pumps?  Who put those really ugly slippers in my closet?  And where the heck are my purple suede boots, my bright red high heels and my sexy strappy sandals?

I’m going to blame it on the Shoe Gremlins — it has to be those nasty little devils who replace your young stylish shoes with ‘old lady’ shoes when you aren’t looking.    There is no way I would have done this on my own – so it must have been some nasty little creatures!  How else could those darn shoes have made it into my closet?

I’m going to set a trap — I think I’ll go buy a pair of really sexy high heels – the new kind with that are a leopard print and have a 4 inch stiletto heel.  I’m sure I’ll catch the little stinkers!  Of course, I will have to wait until they go on sale, and the store has them in my size (wide width too!) – and they will have to be cheap – because I’ll have to buy a pair of leopard print flats to carry with me so that after 10 steps when my toes, feet, ankles, calves and hips start to shut down, I’ll have something to change into so I can finish walking to my car and lay that trap for those Shoe Gremlins!



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