Lost Socks

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Will Socks Protect Us?  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When my children were small, I had a theory concerning all of the unmatched socks in the house.  It is amazing how many unmatched socks four small children and two adults can generate!  I even tried buying all white socks so we could match ANY socks – but my other theory concerns a conspiracy between sock manufacturers so we have to buy new socks because nothing ever matches even if they are all the same color!

Anyway – the lost sock theory – I had a sneaking suspicion that my children (possibly because their father planted the idea) were feeding socks to the dog to see if they came out the other end.  I think it started as an accident when one of the dogs ate a favorite sock and we had to have a discussion concerning what happened to stuff the dog ate.  Then, I think it became a giant experiment to see how many socks the dog could run through his system.    Mind you – I never found any “evidence” that this is what was actually happening – but then again, I didn’t really look.  That doesn’t mean my children didn’t search out the evidence – knowing that children (and some adult males) have a strange fascination with poop.

Well – now that the children are all gone and we don’t even have a dog any longer, I can no longer stick with this theory – and yet, we still have unmatched socks!  How can this be?  The children are gone, the dog is gone – but aha!  My husband is still around!  (You will note that I claim absolutely no responsibility for this mystery – mainly because I work so hard to find the darn things – so why would I make them disappear?!?)

So what has he been doing with the extra socks all these years?  And why did he let his innocent children and his dog take the blame?  I know he is a bit of a pack-rat – but socks?  Not even matched socks!  And socks of all colors and sizes?  What the heck is he doing with them?  Is he preparing for the apocalypse by building a super-secret retreat out of socks?  Do socks have some type of magical quality which makes them impervious to nuclear weapons, meteorites and global warming?  If so – why the heck isn’t he selling his secret so we can get RICH?!?

When confronted with my theory and my questions, my husband simply smiles at me and shakes his head.  This could either be a ruse to throw me off or he really does think I’m nuts.  I have noticed that he has hidden all my James Bond movies – so maybe I’m on to something – or maybe I really am nuts!


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