This is not going to be about things you should remember about your Mom – like she carried you for 9 months, or she adopted you from all the other babies in the world or she’s the one who was there when your heart was broken or you celebrated a victory – No, this is about the real power of Motherhood – blackmail.
A lot of children figure that once they are an adult, they are no longer under the power of their mother. They don’t have to do what she says, when she says to do it and how she says to do it. They don’t have to call her on a regular basis. They don’t have to buy her cards and/or gifts for Mother’s Day, Christmas, her birthday – or for any old reason at all. For those children who believe this is true – here are a few words of wisdom for you, which are especially important in today’s world of Facebook, Twitter and other social media –
- Your mother remembers every embarrassing moment you have ever had. She remembers all of the details and is always happy to share these stories with anyone. Facebook is especially good for these stories because she can tag you, your friends, your enemies, everyone – and if there are pictures? Lucky you!
- Speaking of pictures – she has LOTS OF THEM! She doesn’t even have to scan them if they aren’t in electronic form. She can simply take a picture of them with her very handy phone – and in most cases post these little beauties right to Facebook with comments – and again tagging everyone. In fact, she doesn’t even have to give the circumstances surrounding the picture, which could prove even more embarrassing. Remember all of those pictures of you taking a bath with the bubbles? Or maybe hugging your favorite blanket with your thumb in your mouth, while you stand there stark naked?
- Your mother remembers EVERY crush you ever had or wanted to have. She doesn’t just remember that you had a crush – she remembers their names, how old you were, what you did to get your secret love’s attention – and she probably knows where they live right now – and how to tag them on Facebook. She would love to know what happened to that cute little stuffed animal you bought for Susie on Valentine’s Day in the fourth grade – and she’s not afraid to ask. And if she can’t find Susie – odds are really good that Susie’s mom is on Facebook – or Susie’s new boyfriend/husband.
- The most important secrets your Mom holds over you are the ones where she promised she wouldn’t tell your father. That promise is no longer binding when you don’t remember her birthday. There really are things that your dad – and the rest of the world do not need to know about – but your mom is not afraid to spill the beans under the right circumstances.
- Oh – those things you thought your mom didn’t know about – like smoking cigarettes when you were only 15 or when you got drunk with your friends when you were underage – or any other assorted stupidity you did – she knows. Believe me, she knows. And she is more than willing to use social media to share this information with EVERYONE.
So, if you want a happy, carefree adulthood – I suggest you treat you mother with respect, love, kindness and indulgences. Send her cards and flowers. Call her often. Listen to what she has to say and take her advice to heart.
Just remember this about your mom – she was there from your very beginning. She has the scars and stretch marks to prove it – and she is not above blackmail to get exactly what she wants – and she loves Facebook almost as much as you do!