Mushroom Survival Techniques

Mushroom Time!

Daylight Savings Time was over this past weekend and to many that doesn’t seem like a really big deal.  However, for those of us who have to be at work early and don’t leave until late – that means we will not see the sun again until spring.

There has been a lot written about SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and how you need special lights to make you feel better, drink lots of water, eat lots of fruits and vegetables – and everything will be just fine.  What they don’t tell you is that this is exact same way mushrooms are grown – deprive the little fungus of light (except for a minimal amount filtered in), give it plenty of moisture and nutrients – and you get giant mushrooms!

What can you do if you find yourself wearing only grey and brown clothing … or you start spending hours in the hot, steamy shower .. or you start wearing t-shirts that say “I’m a Fun-guy!”?  Don’t despair!  No need to become a portabella or shitake by spring time.

First thing – get rid of the t-shirt – no I mean it – don’t wear those stupid t-shirts with silly sayings on it.  They are fun to look at in a magazine – but no one wants you wearing them around.  Just a hint – people are not  laughing with you, they ARE laughing AT you – not only did you spend money to get that stupid shirt – but you feel the need to wear it in public – which means you are on the verge of becoming a mushroom because you have apparently lost your socialization skills, verbal skills and fashion sense (have you ever seen a polite, well-dressed mushroom having an intelligent conversation at a party?  Enough said!)

Next – buy some new clothes!  Everyone knows that shopping under those wonderful florescent lights in the stores is good for you!  Have you ever seen a mushroom growing in the aisle next to the cashmere sweaters and leather boots?  Not a chance!  And don’t buy any of those stupid gray and brown things – you need purple, green, blue – the colors of spring!

And most importantly – find another way to keep warm – you don’t need those moist, hot showers – find someone to HUG!  The added benefit to this one is that not only are you not becoming a mushroom, but you are preventing another poor soul from sliding down that path.  You can go shopping together and prevent each other from wearing shirts which having stupid sayings on them!

 We will survive these dark days of the mushroom time!  We will do it by hugging the one we love and shopping!  I can’t think of a better way to spend the winter!