The perfect age for any swimsuit
This is the first question every woman asks herself when she steps into the dressing room to try on an outfit – and it is even more important when trying on jeans or a swimsuit. I can’t decide which I hate more – shopping for jeans or trying on swimsuits (I say trying on because I don’t think you really shop for a swimsuit, I think you pray to God that one will jump off the rack and fit you perfectly – and then you buy it no matter how much it costs!).
The average woman dreads shopping for jeans because there are so many styles from which to choose. Plus, as we enter the dressing room we have to ask ourselves the following questions (in addition to the ‘butt’ question) –
- Do these make my thighs look HUGE?
- Do these make my hips look HUGE?
- Do these make my waist look HUGE?
- Do these make me look too short?
- Do these give me a muffin top? Muffin top – you ‘overflow’ the top of your jeans.
There are lots of other questions – are these ‘mommy’ jeans (which really means – do these make me look OLD?), are they the right color, are the pockets in the right place, can they be worn with heels – and sometimes – will my daughters steal these so I will never see them again?
Oddly enough, these are the exact same questions when trying on a swimsuit – but with a lot more tears, swearing and gnashing of teeth! I have started buying my swimsuits via the internet because I was tired of walking out of the dressing room and apologizing to the entire store for my histrionics – only to be told that they see that sort of thing every day in the swimsuit department. Those sales people should get battle-pay for having to work in that department.
As far as I know the only females who don’t ask themselves these questions and get depressed every time they shop for jeans or swimsuits fall into one of two groups – toddlers and supermodels. The toddler group loves anything they try on and they love to look in the mirror and just spin – and they don’t have a butt, waist or muffin top to worry about – they just have little round tummies that look adorable in that bikini! The supermodels – well, do I really need to say anything? When you are 5’10” and only weigh 10 pounds, you look good in anything!
So – since the odds of me reverting to a toddler and having people love my little pot-belly hanging out of a bikini or becoming a supermodel which means I would need to lose a whole person, are extremely small (I almost used the word ‘slim’ but thought that would be a really bad pun) – I will continue to ask the same question – Does this make my butt look big?
Pages from my Crazy Life 
Oh LOL, I try to hide my 44 year old Butt! I don’t wear jeans either, they are uncomfortable.
I feel the same way about my 54 year old butt! I still wear jeans, but I’ve noticed that my shirts are getting longer and longer in order to hide my butt!
I never ask “does this make my butt look big?” Cause it IS big.
I know mine is big too — I just like to test my husband occasionally and love to see that panicked look on his face when I ask the question and he knows there is no good answer!
I don’t try on bathing suits in stores any more, either. Just buy them in catalogues. I bought what I thought was a fetching purple bathing suit some years back, thinking it would be better than black. My husbands first comment when he saw me in it: “You look like a big, purple grape.” So much for that bathing suit. Ugh. Oh well, I just wear them to swim in and don’t bother thinking I might look good any more. Just getting in the water and swimming is good enough for me now. Where once I could rock a bikini, now I’m lucky if I don’t fall on my ass on the rocks!
I wish I could at least claim to have rocked in a bikini! At least you have your memories. Like you — I’ve quite worrying about how I look in the darn thing and just hopes it stays on when I get in the water.